Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
