The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
