If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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