Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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