yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize