Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
