Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
