I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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