Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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