she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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