There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
