So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
