He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
