You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sarcasm needs its own font
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will pee on everything he values.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize