if you like me you must not know who I am
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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