he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
