i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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