Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
