If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
is it fun? or sober?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
