so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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