i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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