I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
