oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
