Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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