i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize