She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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