Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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