he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize