thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
