She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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