I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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