He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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