K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
