My hand turned me down
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize