so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
