he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
