kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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