dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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