Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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