Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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