i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
