Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
