I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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