I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
