Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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