Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
