The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
