Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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