never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
