The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
