a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
