She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
