Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
