He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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