I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
