i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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