Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
