Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
