I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
