Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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