well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
