He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize