I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
