Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
