As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
