hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
