Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
