This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize