i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
