were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
