in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
the raccoons are back...
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