I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We left the knife in your bed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
