is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
