my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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