Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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