Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
