you guys were way drunker than both of me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
