we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
