i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
