i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
