Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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