The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
