So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
