just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
