don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
