i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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