escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
