OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
