Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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