I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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