Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
