Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
