he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
3pm strippers are depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
