my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
