Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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