After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
