who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
