I have demons in me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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