If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
