what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
