you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your cock deserves a montage
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
