Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My hand turned me down
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize