just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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