Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
