i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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