i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
