Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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