when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
