And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
